I just made out with a guy for $7.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
