His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
