I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
