Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
