It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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