i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
