They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
