We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
