He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
