I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize