id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
