kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
