I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
