I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
