Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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