it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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