Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
