Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Don't judge me šš¼ his dick just whispers my name
Getting a smaller wine glass hasnāt changed the amount I drinkāit just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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