fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
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