You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
