I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
