you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
