so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
