So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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