was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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