respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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