I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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