I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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