your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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