Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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