I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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