a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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