She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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