at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
