I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
