He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
