I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
