Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
