Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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