i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
