I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
