So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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