so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
