She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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