Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
