Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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