$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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