and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
