i just wanna soil my oats bro
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
