y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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