How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
