its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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