The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
