Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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