sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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