So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
