I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
