I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
