Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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