So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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