His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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