i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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