just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
