:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
