Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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