:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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