I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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