I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
