i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
