The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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